The Dirty Words War - A Guest Post by Angela Addams

I've known, virtually-speaking, Angie for years, We met on Kelley Armstrong's now defunct message board and I've reviewed some of her earlier works. Recently, she signed with Samhain for a paranormal erotic romance series and the first book, "Cursed", released in July. I have a review, excerpt, and giveaway post here and in this post, Angie talks about the many different words and expressions we use when talking about our sex organs. Naughty language ahead!

Every day is Halloween for author Angela Addams. Enthralled by the paranormal at an early age, Angela spends most of her time thinking up new story ideas that involve supernatural creatures in everyday situations. She believes that the written word is an amazing tool for crafting the most erotic of scenarios.

She is an avid tattoo collector, a total book hoarder and loves anything covered in chocolate…except for bugs.

She lives in Ontario, Canada in an old, creaky house, with her husband and children.

Find Angela Online:

Website: www.angelaaddams.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/AngelaAddams

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Author.Angela.Addams

  

The Dirty Words War

I am a naughty writer…a dirty birdie…a wanton sl…er….yeah…so my fellow gutterbrain, Bea, asked me to write her a raunchy post that explored some of the more interesting aspects of crafting erotic scenes and I was totally in (to the hilt, thrusting, pumping, rubbing) from the get go.

But what to write about? Hmmm

I often get asked questions about how I write erotic scenes, where I get my inspiration from (a good girl never tells…lucky for you I’m not one of those…but that’s a post for another time) and how I got started in the erotic hot and heavy genre in the first place. I’m not going to answer any of those questions. What I am going to talk about is the many different ways human beings have described male and female private parts (gasp, blush) a.k.a euphemisms, or as we call them in the writing world, purple prose.

During a recent round of edits, my editor highlighted the amount of times I had used the word pussy…and it was a lot, folks…ridiculously so…pussies EVERYWHERE! After I giggled for a while, I had to explore some other ways of describing those delicate petals of passion, so I took to the web and discovered a lesson in the truly bizarre (and sometimes disturbing) and it got me thinking, in a battle of the euphemisms, who would win, cocks or pussies? And that was when a blog post was born. I present you with Cocks vs. Pussies… let the thumping begin!

Yogurt Gun vs. Pastrami Folds

Her fingers dipped into her panties, slipping between her pastrami folds while he watched from his seat, stroking his yogurt gun until it leaked creamy, non-fat goodness.  

Sugar Stick vs. Love Tunnel

She licked his sugar stick (What? Come on, that one was begging for it!) eagerly, her tongue sucking down his dewdrops of passion while she fingered her love tunnel.

Girthy McGirth vs. Cucumber Canal

With one final thrust, he filled her cucumber canal with his creamy dip of love, the throbbing of his Girthy McGirth enough to make her scream for more.

Snot Sausage vs. Bacon Hole

Her bacon hole was hot and wet, aching for his throbbing snot sausage. (I’m sorry, there was little I could do with that one but it had to be included because…snot sausage…yeah.)

Hairy Banjo vs. Bearded Clam

Her tongue played his hairy banjo like a pro, bobbing up and down to a rhythm only she could hear. He grabbed her hips and pressed his lips to her bearded clam, tunneling with his tongue until he tasted her salty nectar.

 

Beaver Buster vs Poody Tat

He cooed to her poody tat, stroking it with tenderness as she writhed beneath him, his beaver buster straining against his jeans, threatening to chew it’s way out.

Major Woody vs Panty Hamster

Major Woody bobbed with excitement, leaking precious ammo, her untamed panty hamster begging for attention.

Here’s a two-fer: Cream Canon/ Throbbing Python of Love VS. Cherry Pop Tart/ Crotch Waffle

He thrust his throbbing python of love into her crotch waffle, stroking until she milked his cream cannon with her sweet cherry pop tart.

I’m sure you’ll notice, as I did while researching, that many of the euphemisms for the vagina are actually food related…hmmm….I wonder why that is?

I’m pretty sure my editor wouldn’t want me to replace all the pussies and cocks with any of these but it’s nice to know that such euphemisms exist…you know, just in case of descriptive emergencies. So, if you’re ever in the midst of a little hanky-panky and you want to talk dirty, here you go, folks, guaranteed to make some fireworks. You can thank me later. 

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Oookay, some of those are just...weird. And a few are icky. I don't see myself using any of those. It may be time to revoke my gutterbrain card. :P

What are some of YOUR favorite words or expressions for cock and pussy? What are your least favorites?